Americanized: The Struggles of Cultural Differences
There are so many stories and so many experiences I could pull from when it comes to having a conversation about cultural differences. In fact, my Master’s Thesis was centered around this topic. And, you don’t have to be a person of color to be able to relate. Living in a different country from the one you were used to can also have it’s cultural struggles… and if this is you, you may have heard of the term, “culture shock.”
For me, I KNEW I lived in two different worlds by the age of 6. That was when I first took that yellow public school bus to my first day of Kindergarten. There were customs and traditions I just didn’t celebrate at home and vice versa. Meals and snacks that I would enjoy at home, but never see at school. A language that I never knew how to speak, until I entered my very first classroom. If you ask my mom, she’ll tell you that I actually made a white girl classmate of mine cry for going up to her and introducing myself, “Nyob zoo, kuv lub npe yog Sunshine. Es koj ne?”
Translate that and it says, “Hello, my name is Sunshine. And what about you?”
Looking back now, it really saddens me that this first encounter brought tears instead of sharing crayons or splitting a cupcake. Not only did I feel alienated at school with my ASL classes, teachers would roll up packets of paper in their hands and hit me over the head with it for doing things that were respectful in my culture, but not in theirs. Things like taking my shoes off once I entered my classroom I would spend the rest of the day in.
I remember crying when I saw my parents at school when they came in for my first parent/teacher conference. I didn’t understand why I had suddenly bursted into tears then in my mother’s arms, but now I know it was because I was so overcome with relief seeing a face who accepted and understood me at a place where I felt so out of place.
Food and language aren’t the only things. Small things like shaking hands or bowing during a new introduction are also examples of these differences. And when you’re a little bit older and are knee-deep in this new culture, you start to forget and lose practice with the traditions you were taught by your parents.
You start to question things why, “what’s a Santa?” and “why do we have to give out small cards with chocolates on ‘heart day?’” or “mom, dad, why don’t you hug me and tell me you love me like all the other moms and dads do?”
One of the greatest pains of my life was not understanding and accepting that my dad will never hug me, kiss my cheek and say these 3 magic words, “I love you.”
We worked on it. In all my 26 years of life, we really did. My mom has always hugged me, tell me she loves me and kisses me through the phone. And I cherish it every single time.
My dad is a different story. I have come to understand that it was just something he never did with his parents. And as a parent himself, he was conditioned not to do so in turn with his kids because he views it as being a good parent.
I did find a few photos of me in his arms as a toddler, but never as a teenager. As an adult, I force it on him hoping he’ll get comfortable with it. And he has -I think. I tell him I love him every time I willed enough courage to do so. The best I got in return was, “Okay. Take care of yourself. Bye.” I could feel the tension and the awkwardness rolling off of him in those exchanges, but I knew he loved me in return.
If my brothers and I weren’t so Americanized, there wouldn’t be such a huge drift in the family dynamic when arguments arose. But because we were, we provided answers and explanations to questions like, “Christmas is celebrated because…” , “Valentine’s Day was created by…” and “I want to go to prom because…”
Granted they knew all of this because my father is pretty Americanized himself. A refugee escaping war as a teenager, he has made a life here and experienced all of these traditions and customs during his time at University getting his Masters in Computer Science. I first learned how to take apart a computer and put it back together in Elementary school, so it’s not that they haven’t adapted to American culture or advacements in technology. It’s that because they were exposed to an entirely new culture at an older age, their cultural roots were not American.
We were able to provide the complex understanding -a network of connections explaining why and how Americans do and approach things. Things that they may view as totally absurd, but normal in American culture. Things like a child calling their parents by their first names. TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL. And keeping your shoes on in the house? TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL. And I’m able to explain this to them without knocking their heads over with a rolled up packet of paper. If I did that, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing to you.
In the end, I am grateful. I am grateful of their sacrifices and the challenges they have faced dealing with children who talk back and won’t listen to them (you are never to speak back because even if they were wrong, they’re always right. ALWAYS).
But, I am also grateful I talked back and questioned their views and principles as well because it taught both of us to learn from each other and it was ultimately how we survived and grew as a family. We depended on each other, we argue, we say “I love you” and we hug each other even if we disagreed on something. Especially then.
